White Privilege

[Disclaimer...I'm a white, Christian, middle class female...]

Let's face it.

Springfield, Missouri is creepily white and protestant.

Our definition of diversity is having both blonde and brunettes in the same extracurricular activities. Studies show I attend one of the top five most white colleges in the United States.

Missouri State University is talking about implementing a course focused on teaching white kids about diversity, which would include attending a Jewish synagogue once and maybe watching a video or two on diversity. (Which would obviously solve the diversity acceptance problem.)

Studies show that as the United States becomes more diverse, it becomes more segregated. People live with, attend school with, and go grocery shopping with other people of the same color. It's not just skin color, either. It's socioeconomic status and religion and every other form of segregation I can't imagine.

It makes me sick how we focus so much on unprivileged minorities as if white or protestant or middle class people can fix these people who are "wrong". But we ignore the fact that white, protestant, middle class people enjoy privilege.

I am never asked to speak for all the people in my racial group.

I can expect everyone to know about my culture. Even if I am oblivious to theirs.

I am taught that my culture is the ideal.

Are we this oblivious to the fact that instead of feeling sorry for others, we could also realize that their under privilege is due to our privilege? That instead of changing things for others, we could admit that we should change a few things ourselves?

Hell yes!

We've been discussing Hell in my C.S. Lewis class for the past two weeks. Interesting, because I grew up Methodist and (at least as my impression growing up) we only really discuss Heaven. Hell was just that other place that was simply the absence of Heaven.

Today my teacher put three categories on the board under which we should label our beliefs about Hell: "Hell, yes!" "Hell if I know" and "Hell, no!"

Seriously? I had to take a stance on this issue that I feel I know nothing about? I had to literally go stand by the board in a category and declare my belief? It is barely mentioned in the Bible except maybe...Revelation? It was weird. I felt unprepared. Of course I believe in Hell, because it's a Biblical concept and I believe in the Bible. But why didn't I know anything about it?

This whole labeling ourselves idea might have been less awkward if my school wasn't located in the middle of the Bible belt. But, alas, it is. And it was awkward. Even my teacher seemed to be bashing the atheists and agnostics of the room and at one point I was tempted to do a Shaq jump to the "Hell, no!" side just to remind everyone they were people too.

We all had a chance to talk on the subject. As my "Hell, yes!" classmates talked, I noticed not a single one of them mentioned Jesus.

My skin started to prickle like it always does when I know I have to say something. So I made a pretty good point about repentance (and therefore grace...except I didn't say this out loud) and then started stumbling through something about Jesus.

I just wish I could get my thoughts into words and tell these people that Jesus is forgiving, and all you have to do is believe and repent to meet Him in Heaven...

So, I need to vent a little bit, I suppose.

I'm feeling like a quitter.

Not because I've actually quit anything...my current lifestyle is just different than my old lifestyle, I guess. It's for the better, even though it isn't going to impress anyone looking at my resume.

"Sarah, why did you used to be involved in 359 activities and never sleep? Now your resume is blank except for work, school, Icthus, and the crisis nursery and you still don't sleep. Why did you become a failure?"

"I've decided people are more important than resumes. I've stopped screwing people over because I didn't have time for them. My purpose in life isn't to do more, but it's to help more and love more."

"Wow, you should write a book. Really. Because we're not hiring you. It might be your only chance at making money."

I know. I see it coming. I'm accepting of it...?

On another quitting note, within the last week I've almost quit both work and the crisis nursery. (Feeling like quitting school is more of an everyday occurrence.)

I get tired of people taking advantage of my helpful attitude at work; but is that just me being bitter that they're not "appreciating" me enough? I always go above and beyond. Maybe I'm just expecting people to consider me as a person. I'm not really sure.

I walked into the crisis nursery yesterday, and they gave me a huge list of chores to do that didn't allow me any time with the kids. Including vacuuming while the kids were asleep. I asked if we could wait until they woke up, and they said no.

I would like to say to them: What is your purpose? Is it really to just follow rules and schedules more than love on these kids and create the best environment for THEM? I was sooooo frustrated. I'm not quitting yet...I know those kids are more important than anything.

So I guess that's why I feel like a quitter.

But hey, I love you. Does that make it any better?